How to Avoid a Relationship-wreck in 6 Steps
It is evident there are no perfect relationships. It makes sense because there are no perfect people, therefore when two imperfect people come together it creates an even more imperfect relationship. So how can relationships last a lifetime if it is impossible to achieve complete relationship nirvana? Here are six steps you can take to improve the quality of your relationship today:
1. Start therapy before you “need” it. You cannot afford not to get therapy! Every relationship is broken whether we realize it or not. Many couples wait to go to therapy as a last resort, and oftentimes they come in when their relationship is too far gone or irreparable. The best time to start couples therapy is before you reach the heavy problems. How much is the success of your relationship worth to you?
2. Learn how to love through listening. “Irreconcilable differences” can often be pinned to neglect within the relationship. We all want to be listened to and heard by the most important person in our life. Taking your significant other for granted is an easy way to kill a relationship. Great listeners ask open-ended questions, reflect back their perceived understanding of what the other person is saying, and validate their feelings. Active listening does not mean fixing the other person or shifting into problem solving mode. What your partner needs most from you is not your advice, but your listening ear and understanding attitude.
3. Learn how to be a great forgiver. Because your spouse is an imperfect person, they are going to hurt you – over and over again. This can be either intentional or unintentional on their part. This means you are going to have to learn to extend a lot of grace and forgiveness, because you are going to need to be the recipient over and over again as well. Please note, if you are in an abusive relationship of any form (physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, spiritual, financial), your safety and well-being are most important first and foremost. There is NO EXCUSE for abuse, and you do not deserve to be abused at any time in any way, shape, or form.
4. Take your partner’s side. Did you know you don’t have to agree with someone to be supportive of them? A partner is called a partner for a reason. You are a team of two. Refuse to side with the enemy and remember that your partner is not the problem, the problem is the problem. It is possible to show your partner support while having a different perspective.
5. Believe in your partner. It is phenomenal what people are capable of when someone believes in them. Especially someone so close to them as their spouse. People tend to act in ways they perceive us to expect them to. Are you setting up your significant other with your own expectations of them? Having faith in someone and encouraging them to fulfill their true potential is empowering. You have the choice: you can choose each day to expect the best from them, or the worse. One will allow your relationship to thrive, and the other will slowly suffocate it. Don’t tell it how it is, tell it how it could be.
6. Choose to restore the relationship, instead of running from conflict. Conflict is often times an opportunity for growth. It is always more rewarding to stick through conflict, than to avoid it. When you run from a relationship because of conflict, the conflict will follow you into a new relationship. Again, this principle only applies to non-abusive relationships! It is never safe or healthy for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.