Make Your Relationship Your New Year’s Resolution
As 2016 comes to a close, you may reflect on your relationship with your partner over the past year. Hopefully you have had some good times, but I am sure there have been some hard times as well. Regardless of where you are at on your marital journey, every relationship deserves a resolution. I recently thought back to New Year’s Eve as the year 2011 approached. The holidays of 2010 were George and I’s first together. For New Year’s Eve I wrote him a toast with my resolutions for our relationship that year, along with the many years to come. I am astounded that it has been 6 years since that night, and enjoy reflecting on our commitment to each other over the years. 2016 has marked many joyful experiences for us as a couple, including our wedding day. With the many celebrations that have come with this year, it cannot be overlooked at how difficult adjusting to married life versus dating life has been for us. No matter what you have faced this past year – whether good or bad – it is never too late to invest in your relationship. What better day than the beginning of a new year to make the decision to work on your marriage and recommit to your spouse? Here are some suggestions for resolutions you can make as 2017 approaches that will transform your relationship this year.
1. Resolute to put your spouse first. This is so important in a marriage, especially when there are children involved. With kids it can be easy to become distracted from the priority of your marriage, but if that strong foundation is not there, the children are going to suffer. With or without kids, your marriage is always your first priority. If you don’t already, try something new to invest in your marriage this year: have a weekly “date” night, go to couples counseling, plan quarterly weekend getaways or staycations. Whatever you decide, make sure your intention is solely on strengthening your marriage.
2. Resolute to allow disagreements to become a source for growth. Just because something is different, does not mean it is wrong. You will never 100% agree with your spouse and that’s okay. It is normal. We all have our own unique minds with different life backgrounds and experiences, which is the beauty of diversity. Rather than being a source for arguments, if differences are approached with respect to the other’s needs, wants and feelings, problems are converted into opportunities for growth.
3. Resolute to learn a new dance. So often we get caught in dysfunctional “dances” with our partner, moving round and round in circles around the same issues and the same disagreements leading to the same arguments. There are new dances to learn this year with new opportunities to come to resolutions instead of getting caught in the same never-ending cycles.
4. Resolute to stay present with your spouse learning how to change your future. The past is the past. Nothing can change the past other than how we react to it in the present. Forgiveness isn’t always deserved, but it’s always necessary. Unforgiveness leads to resentment which only hurts the person holding onto it. This year, change your future by choosing to forgive and learning how to say you’re sorry. In every argument no matter how wrong the other person is, there is always a part you played which warrants an apology. No matter whether it is 99% your partner’s fault, it is never wrong to apologize for your 1%.
5. Resolute to love your spouse through self-care. Having a personal resolution to care for yourself physically, emotionally, or spiritually will not only be beneficial to you but to your partner as well. Caring for yourself will bring peace to your partner. Something we often don’t recognize is that neglecting ourselves can cause concern for your partner and, in extreme cases, worry over the possibility of having to continue their lives without you. Self-care also allows you the capacity to care for your spouse. You cannot care for others while neglecting yourself. It may work temporarily but will eventually lead you to burnout, hindering you from caring for anyone at all.
6. Resolute to… Fill in the blank. You know what your marriage needs today and in this new year to come. I challenge you to take some time and reflect on the issue you are facing, and come up with a plan to work on it in this next year.
This is a new year. A new beginning. A new chance. You have the next 365 days to dedicate to your most intimate partner in life to transform your marriage. From this year forward, healing can be found. From this year forward, intimacy can be restored. From this year forward, forgiveness can be extended. From this year forward, positive changes can happen. Make every day count.
-Chelsea Crow-Fuentes