Not Your Father's Father's Day

Not your Father’s Father’s Day

              Father’s Day is quickly approaching and as any soon-to-be father, new father, or a father with a few years under his belt has realized, the lady in his life wants to know what he wants to do for Father’s Day so she can make it extra special. The hard part is many men often don’t know how they want to be celebrated. If you are anything like me, your mind goes blank and is followed by, “I’ll get back to you on that”. The ironic part is your dad has probably dealt with this question and still struggles with answering it. This is probably the reason he has received a tie, a pair of socks, and a plate of bacon for the last thirty years. Although I enjoy those three items, I want to be able to answer the dreaded question, get everything I want, and not to mention, help the giver of this gift (my wife and daughter) feel happy and joyful in their job well done. Let’s find out one way to translate how you enjoy being loved into something tangible.

              Dr. Gary Chapman has given men the power to communicate what we want on Father’s Day, or any day for that matter, by helping us identify our “love languages.” In other words, what type of love are we the most responsive to and accepting of. Let’s quickly break down the 5 Love Languages and make this Father’s Day unlike anything your father or you have seen.

1.        Words of Affirmation

 If you thoroughly enjoy receiving compliments or to be given thanks for completing a task then “words of affirmation” is your primary love language. This may seem strange and surprisingly simple to some, but the phrases “I love you,” “thank you,” and any type of verbal appreciation goes a long way. A gift that would go a long way if this is your type of love is a thoughtful greeting card, or a moment where your wife takes the time to tell you all the qualities she loves about you as a husband and now father.

2.       Quality Time

Those who enjoy “quality time” might find very little value in the words others say versus their actions. Whether someone is carving time out of their schedule for you, providing undivided attention, or enjoying the small or big things in life with you, one-on-one time is what you seek if this is your love language. Although most people will already have Father’s Day plans carved out, being able to request future dates or experiential activities at random will be a gift that can make a lasting impression.

3.       Receiving Gifts

Someone cue the tie, socks, and plate of bacon. This love language can seem shallow or materialistic at a glance but the price of a gift does not necessarily play a large role in how the person will receive the gift. At some point you might have all the gadgets you have ever desired, therefore, the amount of time someone puts into choosing a special gift for you goes a long way. Whether the gift is practical to your life, is connected to a personal hobby of yours, or just cracks you up, these items can hold a lot of sentimental value.

4.       Acts of Service

Much like “quality time,” a man who experiences love through acts of service puts a lot of value on another making the time for them in their busy schedule. This love language takes it a step further and really appreciates someone doing something kind for them. This can be as simple as taking a “to-do” item off their list, thinking ahead on how to work better as a team, or even preventing their work load from increasing.

5.       Physical Touch

Although most men feel this is their strongest love language, this type of physical touch does not necessarily mean it is sexual. A husband who is receptive towards “physical touch” often enjoys snuggling, holding hands, a massage or even a back scratch. The sense of feeling close comes through touch for this man and although he might always be willing for sexual intimacy, it does not replace the simple act of close proximity to his main squeeze.  

              As some of you might have already noticed, you may find yourself fitting into a couple of the love language categories. A reason for this is that although you might primarily thrive on one type of love, there may be a secondary type of love language you also appreciate. Once you have identified your love language, take it to the next step and tell your wife and kids. They will appreciate the hints, and you will feel loved and understood because they are speaking YOUR love language. This is no longer your father’s Father’s Day, this is tailor made for you.

             If you would like to continue to learn more about Gary Chapman’s Love Languages and how they affect your relationship, keep reading to see how you can schedule an appointment with George and Chelsea who specialize in couples therapy. Feel from to reach them at coupleforcouples.com or by phone with a text or call (949) 484-5008,